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Harry & Linda
Harry and Linda had waited a long time for a little romance. And romance includes learning about each other secrets, sharing both warm and dark moments, bringing comfort and support. But sometimes it’s hard to share those secrets. To protect the teller and the listener.
Harry’d done a lot of thinking, and he decided it was time to move forward. Beth would have wanted him to be happy. She’d said so, even.
He hadn’t said anything as Linda wiggled her way as far as she could into his attentions, but when she was close enough, he opened his arms wide and let her all the way in. Now they sat outside, wrapped in coats and scarves, swinging on the bench by the door. Linda had fluffed up like a dove, quietly pleased as punch when Harry set his arm behind her on the bench. Her feet didn’t touch the ground when they swung—she had them tucked up beside her—so he nudged the swing back and forth with his own.
“Never could figure out why you’d wait around for a lug like me.”
“Never could resist a man who didn’t wear a uniform,” she teased.
“You’re a sweetheart.”
“I am, aren’t I?”
Linda was loud, could even be brash sometimes. She bubbled over with a confidence Harry envied, though he knew it could get annoying to other people. Anyone meeting her might be intimidated by the way she could freeze a person with her stare, but she just always wanted to know things: what was going on in the world, what was going on in people’s heads. That made her job at the switchboard ideal.
She didn’t scare Harry—at least not in the way she scared other folks.
He was well aware he had started out as a fixer-upper for her, a bird with a damaged wing. That had happened when they were real young, when she’d spotted his need and set out to fill it. As girls developed curves and boys sprouted hair in odd places, her attention had alternated between attentive and almost aggressive, and Harry hadn’t been prepared for that. He’d taken the safer route, dating and eventually marrying Beth, who was sweet and quiet and never complained. Beth even bore a similar scar to his, which made him feel more like a regular person. And he did love her. He loved Beth with an intense, protective passion. Linda had disappeared abruptly from his life when he’d married Beth, and he’d felt more than one pang of guilt over that.
She was always with Grace though, so he got regular updates on what she was up to. Once he was happily married to Beth, he’d let Linda slide into a quiet, unobtrusive place in his heart. She never quite disappeared.
When Beth had died, he’d thought he might, too. She’d been the one who needed caring in their relationship, and as a result Harry had felt uncharacteristically strong, almost heroic around her. That role ended with her life. Fortunately, the war had started up around that time, so he hadn’t had a lot of time to let himself fall apart.
Not that he could have. Even if time had allowed him to wallow in self-pity, Linda would haven’t have permitted it. She had reappeared during Beth’s extended illness, held her hand and soothed her when the pains hit, relieving Harry when he couldn’t bear to see it anymore. She wasn’t in the room when Beth finally passed, but he’d felt her presence, and it was Linda who gave him strength at that lonely bedside.
To give her credit, she had respected his grief, respected his new position as widower, and she’d given him the space he needed for as long as she could. But then bit by bit she had curled herself through the twisted passages in his mind and heart and gotten back in. He was so, so glad she had.
Nights like this were the best; Linda was calm, which was rare. Usually she flitted everywhere at once, needing to see, needing to hear, like a squirrel going from tree to tree. Sometimes he wondered if she ran on her toes just so she could go faster. He knew she had to feel completely comfortable before she settled in like this, and it made him happy to see it happening now.
“What do you want to talk about?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“Oh, come on. Wanna know what I want to talk about?”
“Certainly.”
She hesitated, giving him an idea of the topic before she’d even raised it. He’d known it would eventually come, but he’d hoped to avoid it. But when Linda wanted to talk about something, there was no escaping.
“Everyone talks about the planes, the destroyers, the tanks, but no one talks about you guys. It makes me so angry when I hear anyone say the merchant marine isn’t ‘real military’—”
“Well, we’re not.”
“Still, the job you do is important. And so dangerous. I want to know what it’s like out there.”
He sighed. “It’s hard to talk about it sometimes.”
“I guess it would be. But you know you can tell me anything. You always could.”
That was true. “I’m not much of a talker.”
“I’ll just keep on you until you tell me, you know.”
He chuckled. “I believe that.” He let out a long sigh, wondering where to begin. “Well, I guess I can tell you that you have to be ready to die at any moment out there. Is that the kind of thing you want to hear?” She looked up at him, saying nothing. “But that’s true about everyone. I’d hate to imagine being trapped on a U-Boat, blowing up before I even saw it coming.”
“Or on a plane,” she mused. “I guess if that happened you’d hope to die right away.”
He glanced at her. She had a great way of cutting right through the fat. “Yep. I’ve seen too many …”
His thoughts went to the night they’d lost Jack and the others. Had they died quickly or had it stretched on? He’d wondered that for months now.
He cleared his throat. “You’re always ready—but you’re never ready, if that makes sense. The next torpedo can come at any time. So you go to bed in your clothes and your life jacket, and you do everything quick just in case, because you want to be ready. Except you never are.”
“What about lifeboats?”
“Well, they’re always rigged, ready to go—if they aren’t destroyed, that is. They carry flares, enough food and water for a week, and some bandages. The trick is getting to them in time. The wolf packs are real quiet, and most of the time you never know they’re there until it’s too late. They generally hunt during the day, but they wait until night before they send out the torpedoes.”
She shuddered. “That’s terrifying. Just the word ‘hunt’ is terrifying.”
“Yeah. And it’s not just them. I mean they come at us from all over the place—from the air, from other ships—”
“You have guns, right?”
“A couple of small ones fore and aft. Not near enough. We have machine guns, but you can only use those when you’re close to the enemy, and at that point they’re using theirs as well. Nah, we can’t defend ourselves very well, so it’s good Eugene and the other Navy boys are out there. On our ships it doesn’t really matter how good your captain is. If the enemy has you in their sights, you’re a goner.”
She bit her lower lip, then asked, “Have you ever …”
She looked at him that way, her dark eyes glistening with concern, and he felt tempted to scoop her up and kiss her until she couldn’t ask any more questions.
“Aw, Linda. You really want to know? Not sure it’s gonna help you sleep at night. Can’t we just leave it?”
“Harry, you gotta understand. I already can’t sleep because I don’t know what’s going on. All I know is you’re gone, your brothers are gone, and we’re stuck here pretending nothing’s happening. Your mother says she and your father know all about war, but no matter how hard Grace tries, nobody will talk about it. We listen to the radio and no one will say where you are—of course I understand that. I mean, there are hundreds, thousands of men out there, and they can’t tell us anything in case the enemy hears, but—” She heaved a deep sigh. “I want to know. I want to understand what you’re going through out there. That way maybe neither of us will be as lonely the next time you’re gone.”
He’d never thought she’d be the type to get lonely. She always seemed so in control, so independent.
“Sometimes a captain has to decide whether you’re gonna run, surrender, or fight.” He lifted his eyebrow. “You sure you don’t want to abandon ship while you still got the chance?”
She snuggled up against him, hip to hip. “I’m not going anywhere, sailor. Tell me something you like, then tell me the other stuff.”
It was a nice kind of cozy, sitting here with her. He didn’t usually like to talk about much, let alone his work, but he could understand her point of view. Out here in East Jeddore things pretty much carried on as they always had, and the people kept to themselves. Life might be going on beyond what they could see, but they usually acted like it could go on ahead and do it without them. Sometimes he wondered what kept Linda here, because the pace never really picked up in this sleepy little area. She was a big city girl. Anyone could tell that just by looking at her.
“Seems you’re not gonna let me off the hook.” He gazed towards the heavens, trying to think of something he actually liked about this war. “Okay. Well, when a convoy first comes together with its escort, I can tell you it’s an amazing thing to see. Never seen so many ships in my life. All of them ugly, painted grey, but still. It’s impressive. And you feel, well, I guess you’d say you feel proud. To be a part of it. To be helping win the war.”
“I bet that’d be something.”
“When we set off, the planes go ahead to make sure the sea’s clear, but after a while they have to turn back. It’s just us and the Navy after that.”
“Do you ever see Eugene?”
“Actually, yeah. I’ve seen him a couple of times through binoculars. And when they’re loading and unloading we occasionally cross paths on the docks.”
“How is he?”
“Happy as a clam, he says. He’s looking good. I think he’s up for a promotion.”
“I bet he misses you.”
“When he has time. I imagine so.”
The first time he’d seen Eugene it had been the strangest sensation. They’d never really been apart before, and after six months Harry was almost shy to strike up a conversation. He and his brother had met so many men separately, done so many things on their own, and he was afraid it would be uncomfortable between them. In the end, he never should have worried. God, it was good to see him. Still made him smile to think of it. Eugene had practically run to him when he’d waved at the docks. He’d had tears in his eyes even. Harry had as well, and he hadn’t bothered to wipe them away.
“Tell me about a time that really scared you out there. Go on. I can take it. I know it ended up all right because you’re here, so just tell me.”
He gave her a nervous smile. “Maybe you can take it. Not sure I can.” He closed his eyes briefly then surrendered. “I’m scared a lot of the time, if I’m being honest.”
“Which you are, of course.”
“Of course.” He gave her shoulder a little squeeze. “You never know what’s going to happen. That’s the worst. Especially since a big part of your enemy is underwater and you can’t see them.”
He hesitated. He didn’t want to fall into the trap of sharing the worst of it, the parts even he couldn’t bear.
“A couple of months back we were riding high in the water, coming this way to pick up a load. There’s kind of a fine line when it comes to that. When you ride high in the water, you’re an easier target. But you’re also not carrying much of a load, so they don’t care as much about sinking your cargo. Then again, they’re always happy to do away with another ship.
“Captain spotted a German cruiser on our stern, so he kept our back end to the bastard. They’re looking for a spot on our hull that they can breach, but if we’re lined up that way they have less to aim at. It didn’t really matter. He was gonna catch us. We all knew that. It was just a matter of how soon. When he was about a thousand yards away he blew a hole in our stern, and we started taking in water. I was back there when it happened. Almost flipped over the side with the impact. We were firing back with what we had, but there really wasn’t much. Eugene was out there, but he was in the middle of taking on a U-Boat. There was nothing he could do.” He heaved a sigh, wishing it would all just go away. He’d seen too much. “I’m sorry, Linda. I don’t know if I—”
“Go on, sailor. Get it out.”
“Well, with all the noise and smoke, things were getting frantic, which is the worst thing that can happen. We need to be organized, stay on top of the moment just like in the drills. But it wasn’t looking good. They came around starboard side and hit us hard. There was smoke everywhere, making it hard to see.”
It had been like one of those nightmares he could never quite escape—except those weren’t actually dreams. Those were real. Somewhere deep in his recollections he had a memory of being in his mother’s basement—the mother he had lost in the Explosion—and everything around him was black and closing in. Norman was bawling, Eugene was clambering around trying to find a path out, and Harry couldn’t feel his face. The claustrophobic feeling of that moment came back when he was sleeping sometimes, and his adult mind added in the part about the rest of his house about to collapse on top of them at any moment.
That was how it had felt when he saw the warship speeding toward him, all weapons firing. Like he’d never escape.
Then he recalled how their father—a total stranger—had come out of nowhere, how he’d dug through the debris and slid through the shattered glass and splintered timbers, balancing on a wooden leg. One by one he had lifted the little boys out to the sunshine and changed their lives. Miracles sometimes happened.
“Everything around me was carnage; no other way to describe it. I looked to the big guns, saw everyone around them was dead. The only one left was the gunner, and he was pinned down, bleeding all over the place. The gun was just standing there, useless. I think in that moment I’d never been so scared, realizing no one was there to defend us.”
He was lost for a moment. Forgot what he was saying or even that he was saying anything. That scene would forever burn in him, he knew. He just hoped that when the embers began to cool a bit they wouldn’t ever re-ignite.
“Harry? What happened?”
She startled him, and he had to blink a few times to bring himself back to the present.
“I grabbed the gun. I kept on firing, and they kept getting closer. I could practically see their eyes they were so close.” He shook his head. “Those men never saw it coming. A torpedo ripped off their front end, and another one came thirty seconds later, tearing the ship in half. She went down fast. Some of the men got to lifeboats, but a lot didn’t. Ironically, the ones who escaped got picked up by my brother’s ship.”
It was the silence that brought him back to the night, to the peace, to the warm comfort of Linda pressed to his side. He tilted his head, rested it on hers.
“Took me a while to get over the fact that I killed a bunch of men on that other ship, but they killed a lot of my buddies, too.” He swallowed. “So that’s, I think, my scariest memory. You okay?”
He hadn’t meant to tell her so much, hadn’t shared the story with anyone else until now, but it had come out anyway. He didn’t see judgement in those beautiful eyes, only sadness.
“Do you want to know something, Harry?” Her voice was velvet, like the sky.
“What’s that?”
She sat up straight, facing him, and his arm fell off her shoulders. Her hands, cool but soft, cupped around his neck, and he felt the pain start to melt away. Then she leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips, her eyes open the whole time.
“I love you,” she said. “I really do.”
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mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:””;
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:”Times New Roman”;}
</style>
<![endif]–>
[5]<!–StartFragment–>
[6]<!–EndFragment–>